You should tell her
by Teylizabeth
Summary: Epilogue to 1x15 "Before I Sleep": Old-Elizabeth gives John an advice. What will he make out of it? - *Sparky*


**You should tell her**

 _Summary: Epilogue to 1x15 "Before I Sleep": Old-Elizabeth gives John an advice. What will he make out of it? - *Sparky*_

 _Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and all related characters are the property of MGM Television Entertainment. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only._

 _Rating: T_

During the entire briefing John sat rooted to the spot and couldn't get the conversation that he had with Elizabeth's older self out of his head. From time to time he glanced over to Elizabeth, gazing just a bit too long every time, which earned him curious looks from her. He just shook his head and smiled at her. He needed to get the chaos inside of himself in order before he decided what the best course of action would be.

 _Flashback_

John sat at Old-Elizabeth bedside on a chair deep in thought. God she was such a strong person… the things she went through to save the lifes of all the expedition-members in this timeline. It wasn't as if that was a surprise to him. He knew that the Present-Elizabeth would also do everything for Atlantis and for them. It just was in her character, the loyalty and the will to protect everyone and everything that was in her responsibility… and even if it wasn't and she just thought it was, she would never give up without a fight. Sometimes he thought that it wasn't healthy, because she didn't look out for herself when she set her mind on helping others and doing the right thing. He knew that he was a little overprotective about her at times and he also knew that she could damn well stand her ground alone, but…

"You're staring!", a voice cut through his thoughts.

"Yeah, right. I'm sorry" he apologized to Old-Elizabeth. He hadn't realized that she woke up and it made him a little nervous. That happened around Present-Elizabeth too, but with her… It was as if she could see right through his long build-up walls.

Right on cue she looked him in the eye and asked bluntly "Does she know?"

"Excuse me? Does who know what?", John asked back. He had a clue about what she was referring to, but he decided to play dumb for now.

"John…"

Oh he knew that tone, but he refused to give in so easily. It was bad enough that she could read him this quickly. The other question was… could Present-Elizabeth see it too and if she could, what did she think about him? Was it too much to hope that maybe, just maybe she felt the same? And if she did, would she ever act upon her feelings? And if she acted upon her feeling, would they be able to start a relationship without compromising their jobs?

"Hey there, looks like I'm not the only one who zones out here", Old-Elizabeth said with an amused smirk and a teasing tone, whereupon his mind snapped back into the conversation.

"Sorry… Again. There are a lot of things going around in my head right now. You know, the city, the Wraith, your story… and hey, today is your birthday!" he added as an afterthought. "Your younger self didn't want to tell me the date, but I wheedled her – your – mother into telling me and so I bought her an old ceramic pot, which I hope she likes. It seemed like she did, but you're the expert here. Look I've taken a photo of it. What do you think?" He could at least try to distract her from the other topic at hand, even if it was a little idiotic. Present-Elizabeth never fell for his attempts at asking a question just to avoid another one, either.

"Hmm. It's beautiful", she said. John thought it was kind of funny, because she said exactly the same thing like her younger self this morning. "So…?" she let the question hang in the air.

"So…?" John asked back, giving her a warning and at the same time pleading look to just drop the other thing. It was difficult enough for him to deal with his Elizabeth all the time, without showing her what he felt and he didn't really want to discuss the issue with the Old-Elizabeth. He knew, that he would talk to her about it if she insisted, because he knew that he could trust her and that she wouldn't say a word to Elizabeth from his time. But he was scared of the answers that he may get from her. He heard her talking about Janus in a way that he really didn't like and that showed him that the odds weren't on his side here. At least not from Old-Elizabeth's point of view.

"So, did you tell Elizabeth how you feel about her?"

He should have known that she wouldn't fall for his look and instead press further, so he answered truthfully. "No, I haven't and it obviously doesn't make any sense to tell her".

"Why is that?" Old-Elizabeth wanted to know.

Was she kidding him? It was obvious, wasn't it? Did she just want to hear it out of his own mouth or was she really that clueless? But that wouldn't fit either, because she could see his feelings so easily and now she asked him that! "Well, let's see… It's clear that you didn't feel the same about me back then and if you look at me right now… it isn't any different. But when you talk about Janus…", he couldn't bring himself to end the sentence, because saying it would hurt more than thinking it.

He heard her sighing and then she said the things that he wasn't about to forget the next hours and that left his mind reeling. "John, everyone deserves a chance at happiness. Elizabeth and you do too. Yes, you're right when you think that I did fall for Janus, but I'm not her, even if I technically am. Back then, I didn't get the chance to know you better so that I couldn't develop any deeper feelings for you. But I know that she has, I can see it in her eyes as much as I can see it in yours. Therefore I think you really should tell her."

And then she drifted off to sleep again.

 _End of Flashback_

McKay ended his report of the day's events with a childlike expression on his face, because now they had grounded information on where to find more ZPM's. Next came Elizabeth. He watched her as she stood from her chair and walked to the middle of the room. Her posture was rigid and she had put her leaders-mask in place. He sympathized with her. It had to be really hard for her standing there and talk about everything that she had experienced today. She looked worn out and tired. It had to be crushing, sitting beside your own bedside, talking to an older version of yourself and see yourself die by the end of the day. It made him sad to see her like this. She was always there for everyone and it often was hard to be the leader of this expedition. Sure it's what she wanted, but she was so often the leader and so rarely just a woman. She deserved more than all the people always demanding something of her or bickering and nagging about this and that. Maybe Old-Elizabeth was right and he should tell her how he felt about her. If she would let him be her anchor and show her what a beautiful, kind and caring person she is, than he would be perfectly happy with it.

In the evening John decided that he needed some fresh air, before going to bed. He doubted that it would help calming his thoughts so that sleep would easily find him, but at least he wanted to try. Therefore he sought out "their" balcony, only to see Elizabeth already standing there. He didn't really want to interrupt her quiet moment, so he stood there uncertain for a moment, if he should walk out to her or if he should just go back and find himself another spot.

He didn't have to think long about it, because Elizabeth made the decision for him by saying "It's okay John, I don't mind the company. In fact I would like it".

So John strode forward and leaned against the railing. They stood there in companionable silence for a while. John just wanted to show her that he was there for her no matter if she wanted to talk to him or if he could just support her with his silent presence.

"I'm an explorer and I love my life the way it is right now. She was me in another version and I get to fulfill our dream. That scares me but it makes me proud too. If it wasn't for her actions we wouldn't be standing here right now talking to each other. I know that I would have done the same if I was in her situation, but I'm thoroughly relieved that I wasn't", he heard Elizabeth say in a quiet voice.

He sensed that she wasn't finished with what she had to say, so he turned in her direction, while she continued staring out to the ocean. She seemed more at ease now than she had all day, as if she had made some peace both with her older version and with herself.

"You know… She told me that I worry too much. That I should live in the moment, trust myself and enjoy what's here right now, because life is too short to waste it by always restraining myself".

"Yeah she was good at giving advices that leave you reeling", he answered before he could stop himself. Smooth John, real smooth he thought to himself. Next time think before talking he chastised himself.

"So I take it that she gave you some wise advice too?" Elizabeth asked finally turning to him and raising an eyebrow in that typical gesture of hers.

Damn her! When she did the eyebrow-thing he normally was busted and it wasn't any different this time. Did she have any idea how sexy she looked when she did that?

"She did…" he trailed of, fidgeting a little.

He never fidgeted and he knew that Elizabeth was well aware of that fact. Therefore it didn't surprise him when her look turned inquisitive and she asked him "Do you mind sharing the information?"

Well he thought to himself, now was as good a moment as any so he took a step towards her successfully trapping her between the railing and himself in the process. If he wasn't so nervous he would have found it cute how Elizabeth's eyes grew wide, when he entered her personal space.

"She said that I should tell you… But I'm not that good with words, so I tend towards just showing you".

"Show me what?" Elizabeth asked breathlessly.

"That" he whispered before leaning in and kissing her. He was very gentle, only ghosting his lips over her mouth, because he didn't want to spook her away. One of his hands wandered down to the small of her back to give her some support while he let the fingertips of his other hand trail from her collarbone up and behind her neck with a feather light touch that made her shiver and gasp. He took that as a good sign and deepened the kiss by sliding his tongue into her mouth. He could feel Elizabeth responding instantly. She pressed herself harder against him, if that was even possible and let her tongue play with his. John felt like drowning, because that was the best first kiss that he has ever had. He put everything that he felt for her right in this kiss. He never wanted to let her go! When breathing finally became an issue, he began nibbling and biting at her lower lip before giving her neck the same treatment. That earned him a "God John" out of Elizabeth mouth, which made him smile.

After a while he leaned back a little, so he had a chance to look into her face. She had her eyes still closed and her features were content and relaxed. It made his chest constrict, because he didn't know when he saw her like that the last time if ever. He put a lock of her brown curls behind her ears, which made her open her beautiful green eyes to him.

"So? Did you get the advice of your older self?" he asked with a big goofy grin on his face.

Elizabeth looked as if she needed to contemplate his question. "I'm not really sure yet. How about you show me some more?", she said with a playful smirk.

"Yes ma'am", John answered before leaning in for another kiss.

 _The End_


End file.
